Unfocused Writing
One of the most common issues JI students face when drafting essays is unfocused writing. Often, I’ve observed that analysis, topic sentences, and concluding remarks can significantly diverge from the thesis statement. This discrepancy can cause considerable confusion, especially during the reading and revision processes. Many students are struggling with this kind of problem.
Cause of the Problem
-
Lack of Pre-Writing Planning & Overconfidence
Many students often fall into the habit of inadequate pre-planning. Others might believe that they can develop their ideas as they write, without the need for extensive pre-planning. As a result, many begin to write with only a general idea of their thesis and topic sentences. They might have a rough outline of the points they want to cover, but they haven’t fully fleshed out how each point will be developed and supported. As they write, their minds change, leading them to forget their original purpose.
This phenomenon emerged from conversations with students seeking advice. A common sentiment is that while they acknowledge the benefits of beginning their writing tasks early to avoid the stress of looming deadlines, they also find that starting too early can result in superficial thinking and a rushed approach to composition. I think they should strike a balance between allowing their ideas to mature and organize themselves and the act of writing.
-
Abundant Ideas Without a Main Focus
Students often find themselves with an abundance of concepts and ideas to explore, yet they struggle to identify a single, main focus. This can lead to a dispersed effort, where they attempt to give each concept equal weight in their writing. Consequently, their essays may lack a clear direction, as they fail to prioritize a central argument. In the conclusion, the lack of clarity is further exacerbated if they do not establish the relationships between the various concepts. To the reader, this can result in a paragraph that seems to juggle too many ideas at once, causing a scattered and unfocused presentation of thoughts.
In essay 3, one student tried to apply Martin Heidegger’s existential theory and Film Semiotics to analyze the small details and change of emotions in the anime. Both theories can fit if used respectively. Yet combined, I find it confusing as she was trying to emphasize both “how small details can make a great change” and “emotional connections are an integral part of existence.” During our discussions, she clarified her intention to draw a parallel between these concepts by considering emotional connections as a form of detail. However, this connection was not explicitly delineated in her writing.
-
Overuse of Complex Language
Some students attempt to sound overly academic by using complex or convoluted language, which can obscure the message. This can make the writing difficult to follow, with the main argument getting lost in dense prose.
This is often caused by over-long sentences:
“Even worse, if players died when fighting monsters in the game, their lives would also perish in reality, which behavior of players in the world of SAO underscored how virtual environments could amplify emotions typically veiled in real life, thereby intensifying the perception of reality in this virtually-created world.”
“Frieren’s reflective ‘rede’ on her relationship with Himmel reveals his enduring influence on her perception of the world, highlighting the timeless nature of relationships that transcend the ending of relationships and leave lasting impressions on our lives.”
A compound-complex sentence, consisting of an independent clause and dependent clauses, stretching three lines long. Such sentences are difficult to follow and, if used regularly in the analysis part, may cause more trouble reading and following the writer’s flow of logic.
-
Inadequate Analysis Development
Sometimes, students believe their analysis is on point and that their focus is clear, but often, the logical connections are missing. As a result, their arguments may drift away from the original focus, leading to an essay that lacks coherence and ends up unfocused. This happens when the analysis doesn’t fully develop the logical chain needed to support the main thesis, causing the analysis to lose its relevance.
Solutions
-
Create a Detailed Outline:
Before writing, draft a comprehensive outline with a thesis statement, main points, and supporting evidence. This will give the essay a clear structure and keep the argument focused throughout.
-
Set Clear Goals for Each Section:
Define what each paragraph should accomplish. What is the main argument of each paragraph? What evidence will be used to support it? Constantly remind yourself by asking the question, “How can this contribute to the thesis or topic sentence?” to ensure focus.
-
Strengthen Logical Connections:
Students can focus on building clear cause-and-effect relationships and logical flow in their analysis. Make sure each piece of evidence is explained in terms of how it supports your argument. Additionally, they can use transition phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next, making the analysis feel cohesive. Phrases like “This evidence supports my point because…” or “As a result of this…” help clarify the logic behind the argument and force them to pay attention to logical connections.
-
Peer Evaluation:
Sometimes, students believe their essay is focused, but when a peer who has never read the paper before evaluates it, they can more easily spot issues. An external reader brings a fresh perspective and can identify gaps, inconsistencies, or unclear arguments that the writer might overlook due to familiarity with the content.
In conclusion, student writing is often unfocused due to issues like lack of pre-writing planning, overconfidence, an abundance of ideas without a main focus, overuse of complex language, and inadequate analysis development. These problems can lead to disorganized and confusing writing, but they are addressable through targeted solutions. By creating detailed outlines, setting clear goals for each section, strengthening logical connections, and seeking peer evaluation, students can significantly improve their writing clarity and focus.